Its been a week since I got my own apartment and started this new journey in my life and I have to say that day 1 was rough, and a lot of tears were shed. Some were happy tears and some were very sad tears. I don’t know about you, but when I am alone my mind just races and I start to think about every single thing possible. You sit down when you’re alone and you start to reflect on your past and see everything that you thought you worked so hard for, just go right out of the window. I mean at least this was my situation this past week.
This week has given me a lot of time to focus on me and focus on my daughter. To stay clear of the phone when I am with her, unless its to get some adorable pictures of her because guys… That smile of hers is just pure perfection, but seriously though, its given me this bond with her this past week that was just…perfect. I feel like before I was so caught up with the stress of life that I wasnt paying as much attention to her as I should and that I regret, but I am grateful I have so much time to make up for it.
One of the many things I learned this week is that Savannah very much felt the stress I was feeling. When we were back “home” with daddy, she was a different child. Acting up, hitting at school, not listening, giving us a hard time to go to bed, and just being plain old grumpy. While I know that is normal with kids, it was not a normal thing for our kid, because she never acted like that. Move forward to this week, we have out little girl back. It’s like all the stress I had, she had, and the moment I moved out, she was relieved.
Another thing I learned this week was that I am non stop and I do not know when to stop and smell the roses. Listen I know im like that, but this week I didn’t have anyone reminding me but myself and man my ass is go-go go. I don’t know how many times I mopped this floor, how many times I cleaned the bathroom, and how many times I threw the trash away. Maybe I am a voiding something.. Who knows, but I am exhausted from just writing this. I just like a clean house..right?
Groceries… It’s so much cheaper when it’s just two people and mind you, one of them is a toddler. I sat down planned my meals and the meals I’ll make when little bits is here and my fridge still looks empty, yet it’s filled with pre-made food that I cooked for the entire week! Hello I say that is a win in itself and the bill at Trader Joes for the week was well.. 4o BUCKS. $$$$ in the pocket baby.
What else can I bore you with that I learned this week???
I like to be alone. Is that weird? Like I love living alone with my kid, but when she isn’t here with me and she is with her daddy, I enjoy the peace and quiet. I enjoy reading my book in silence with some tea or coffee, but I also love blasting the music and dancing in my underwear all Tom Cruise style.. Except I don’t have his moves..
As I go onto this new week, it excited me with all the changes and all the new things I am going to learn about myself again. Feeling lost and feeling like you don’t even know yourself is hard as fuck and it truly sucks, but I am very positive that the outcome will be great and I’ll fall in love all over with myself, because let’s be honest for a second… You need to learn to live with yourself and love yourself first before you can ever find happiness.
Hugs and kisses folks..