Don’t hide the madness that is you. Live authentically true to yourself.

“ Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.”– Allen Ginsberg

As I sit here this evening looking towards the future, I find my mind wandering back to my past and it makes me happy to see how far I have come in my 32 years of life.  You see growing up wasn’t always the easiest.  My whole life I have been known as the girl with the scabs on her legs, the girl who was overweight, the girl who wasn’t popular, and the girl who would never amount to anything.  These were all the things I was called during my school days. which don’t get me wrong, it fucken sucked, but it also shaped me to be who I am today.

67feb52b2af25ce2de6ba172679de7cdI have always been the kind of girl who played my own beat to my own my music and a lot of people dislike that. My family hated it.  They wanted me to be different. Skinnier, more by the books, you know.. Well guess what I am not that person and it has taken me a very long time to realize and accept that and guess what I am happy with who I am today January 2nd, 2017!

Even this past weekend when I was in Miami my grandmother called me “fat.” It truly never changes when I visit, but this time it got me right in the feels (could have been some of the red wine I had that didn’t help.) Not because it hurt me, but because that is when I realized that some people suck and that when I look in the mirror I see someone smart and beautiful and its a shame some people don’t see that too and define me by how I look or don’t look. Not to mention that in the past year I have lost over 40 pounds.

It has taken me many years, many self-help books, and many chats with myself to be the strong woman I am today. I roll with the punches.  If I am not happy, I will go find happiness. That goes for a job, my relationships, my friendships and truly anything in my life.   I am loud.  I am bonkers.  I curse like a sailor. I don’t have a filter.  I am honest to the core which sometimes sucks, but I am real and I will never change that.  If you hurt me, I will tell you.  If I like you, I will tell you.  If I fall in love with you, I will tell you.  If I am not happy, I will tell you.  If I hate my job, I will find another one.  If you don’t make time for me, I wont make time for you, but with that I am also the kindest, most loving, most loyal, most caring person you will ever meet.

diva2.gifWith this I tell you… Keep being yourself. Don’t ever change for anyone because you are the only you there needs to be. Some people will not be your cup of tea and vice versa and guess what? That is totally okay. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone bully you or talk to you in a manner that is disrespectful to you.  Don’t let anyone treat you less than you deserve and always follow your dreams.  Fight for you and fight for what you believe in and always, but ALWAYS dance to the beat of your own drum.

Always, Jasandra

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