“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is…an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness…you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful YOU.” ― Mandy Hale,
So… Its been a minute, but here I am.. REFRESHED and ready to take over the world! I just go back from my first solo trip to Savannah, Georgia and it was amazing! Ya’ll know I had this whole 2017 list of things I wanted to do and one was to travel alone. Now since this was my first trip I stuck to staying in the USA, but I can already feel the urge to take another trip next year and hello… I SURVIVED THE TRIP!
This past year has been a roller coaster ride, from filing for divorce and literally losing the only family I have known for the past 6 years (its funny how someone can cut you off with a quickness), to moving on my own and getting slapped with tons of new bills, to going back to school, to hustling to make extra side cash to pay for everything, to feeling all alone because no one just gets it. It has been insane, but through it all I knew I needed to do something for myself, not for my kid, but for ME. I felt I needed to find myself again because I lost her a while back.
So I put my big girl panties on, booked an Airbnb with Rabo (click the link for his place), rented a car and headed off last week for 4 days. The adrenaline in my soul was running the whole way from St. Pete to Savannah and I was living it up. Music loud in the car (hello I had XM Radio, I’ve never had that, shit the car even had a camera for when I backed up. I am not rich and have never had the luxury to feel as luxurious I felt on this trip. I know now a days everyone has those little luxuries, but I don’t and never have, so it was new for me.) I was literally living a dream of mine and guess what? I worked my ass off between my full-time job, pet sitting , and baby sitting, and the best part was that I didn’t have to put one cent on a credit card. CASH BABY.
So here I was arriving in Savannah and heading to my Airbnb. Checking in was super simple and my room was super freaking cute. Small, but perfect for me! I unpacked and got my room ready for me, it was about an hour into my arrival that the nerves hit me and I started to panic and cry. I looked in the mirror and started to ask myself “why were you on this trip and why did you drive 5 1/2 hours when you could have done something like this closer to home.” I did this for about 2 hours!!! I know! I am insane and I was acting like a baby, but I needed a good cry and a call to one of my best friends to get some sense knocked in to me.
I AM HERE FOR ME. I AM HERE TO FIND MYSELF. I AM HERE TO SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FINALLY BE ALONE & FREE FROM UNHAPPINESS. I AM HERE TO FIGURE OUT MY HEART AND THE FEELINGS IT HAS.
I stopped my pity party, and jumped in the car and drove to the nearest coffee shop called The Sentient Bean, ordered a meal with a beer (yes beer at a coffee shop,) I picked a seat outside and enjoyed my food and drink. I literally dated myself that night and It was memorizing. The food was delicious, the beer was cold, and the evening was gorgeous. I sat there and was present. I looked around, talked to some strangers, and just enjoyed my company. I’ll admit I felt weird at first, like if people were staring, but no fu**s were given. I stayed for a movie that night (again, yes a movie at this coffee shop,) and just made it a fun night about me, doing things I would never do back at home.
When I woke up rested Thursday morning, I hit the streets and enjoyed every single block in Savannah. I walked my perky ass off for the next 3 days. I explored, I ate, I drank, I met people, I sat in coffee shops (plugged to the wall for charge LMAO,) but I enjoyed every single minute of it and I do not regret a single thing.
There was something so amazing about being alone. I felt like a bad ass. I put my mind to something and I did it. For me, being a parent has been draining and I love my kid so it has nothing to do with her, but as a woman or even a man, you start to lose sight of who you are or who you were and then it always feels hard or impossible to get back, but that is when you look inside yourself and fight for you. Happiness is the key to life and to live a life so miserable every single day is no life to live. It took me a while to figure that out, but I am happy now. I have lost family, I have lost friends, people think I am an idiot for some of my choices, but those are choices I made and guess what? For the first time in a long time I am happy and I am doing great, better than I have been in a long time. It’s hard and takes time to get use to, but the light at the end of the tunnel is so bright.
*Jamie Deen, Paula Deen, Me (YAY), and Michael Groover*
You guys, I even met the man of my dreams. My ex can vouch that I threatened to leave him a million times if I ever had a chance with Mr. Jamie Deen (Paula Deens son-GOOGLE HIM if you don’t know him and ironic how my ex and I separated and then I met my celebrity crush.) There was a book signing the day before I was leaving back home at their store and restaurant called The Lady & Sons (sorry for the unedited Photo) and I woke up that morning at 7am and put on my cutest ensemble with full-blown makeup and hair done. You guys I was meeting my future husband! I had about 20 mini heart attacks while I was in line because I had over heard someone say he wasn’t going to be there because he was at a charity event. The moment I realized he was there and I caught a glimpse of that smile, I started hyperventilating, sweating, and crying (ask my cousins who happened to be in town and were with me for the signing.) The tears were streaming down my face, I was shaking, and I am pretty sure everyone saw and heard me scream out with joy minus Jamie of course, because that would be so embarrassing, but what an amazing family. They were so loving and sweet and just a family that seemed to love what they did. I am truly happy that Mrs. Paula Deen is making her comeback she deserves all the success along with her family. I can say without a doubt ill never forget this day. If you have not been to the restaurant GO CHECK IT OUT. I ended up eating there the day before I left and I cant wait to go back.
How freaking perfect are we together? His wife is lucky!
Any who, this trip was something I needed and I am very happy I did it and in the beautiful city of Savannah. A small quaint town full of southern people who were willing to help you with anything you needed. I have never in my life met so many amazing people and so full of life and joy. I came back home with a sense of security, a sense of knowing that everything would be fine, a sense of freedom that I haven’t had in a while, a sense of finally knowing who I was and what I wanted. While I figured most everything out, some things didn’t go as planned, but someone once told me that sometimes plans that don’t work out are way better anyways.
I came back home to people telling me I was their hero, that they looked up to me, that I was strong. I’ll tell you a little secret, as vibrant and transparent as I am, it was hard, but I believe that once you push yourself to the limit, many amazing things can happen and that is all I did. I found myself and you can too.
If there is anything you can take from my story, let it be that you too are strong. You too deserve happiness. You too deserve to find yourself and live the life you have always wanted.