Who says you can’t?

7d425f356f22bc7a351dfb0d0b145b37--brave-quotes-new-quotes I think it took me about 2 hours to write this blog out… I still have no idea what the fuck I want to write about, but here I am… Because I can…  So lately I have found myself struggling with a few changes going on in my life which is why I have been pretty absent.

Let me ask you a question right now.  How many times have you been so excited to tell someone a goal you have, fo them to turn around and give you the stank eye with the whole “That is going to be hard. It’s going to take time.  You’ll need to be dedicated. You won’t have a life”. That shit hits you in the feels the moment you hear it and the doubts you didn’t have, start strolling in.  You start to question yourself.  You start to wonder if this goal is attainable.  You start to panic. I mean can you really accomplish all your goals? My answer to you is yes, but I’m going to be real for a quick second here.  Thats been me lately, the person that gets told its going to be so hard and I won’t achieve my goals… I’ve listened to the negative words people have said to me, and I’ve stepped back from my goals.

Yet here I am today, a day where I called in sick because I’ve been awake since 3am vomiting my heart away.  You know what I’ve done all day? Lay in bed and think. Think about my goals.  The accomplishments I have had.  Ive watched Sex and the City and resonated with some of the ladies because they too (tv show or not) can relate to my experiences. What that fuck have we been doing ladies?  We have been letting other people determine the outcome of OUR lives.  That shit needs to stop right now.  I know for a fact that I, plus many of you ladies have tons of goals.  A new job, a new relationship, a new house, to lose weight, to write a book, to open a blog, to open your own business… We all have those goals, but we need to stop being afraid of success.

not-caringWhy is success such a scary subject?  You know why? Because it’s not easy getting there and it comes with a lot of work, a lot of dedications, a lot of late night, a lot more work and a whole lot of less play.  Shit, I’m wiring this and thinking about all the little things I need to do for my coaching business.  I feel so lost, but these days there’s so many help and so many other people who won’t be negative about you wanting to succeed.  It’s not easy, but can you imagine if we never quit the first 500 times where we would be right now? Probably a lot closer to success then we currently are.

So who gives a fuck if you lose a few friends, who cares if you have to stay in longer, who cares if people tell you its going to be hard… Prove them wrong.. Better yet Prove yourself wrong and soar babe.

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Creating a positive space in your life.

“You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.” — Deepak Chopra

a2b236dcd5e02b76dee4a5e41d310266Here I am sitting in my office (and by office I mean my room.  Where I sit at my tiny little white Ikea desk, listening to Coldplay, with my lit soy candle, 3 self motivational books, and my Jasmine tea.)  It’s where I feel myself these days and I am not ashamed of it.

I have been living in negativity for a while now, and of course it is my fault, but over the weekend and this past month I have had some sort of revelation and I have been working very hard to get myself into a positive mindset and I only have been able to do this with an amazing group of friends, an amazing Facebook page, and my own fucking self.

So if you have been negative, down on yourself, or just pretty much hating everything this blog is aimed towards you!

STEP 1 is to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT FUNK and START to LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Here is what has helped me during this journey and hopefully it can help you some.

1.  unnamedDo you have a safe place? Somewhere where you feel like yourself. Somewhere you can be you and no one is watching? If not, then get one. Hence my Ikea desk.  It is small, it is not made of the best wood in the world, I hit my head while building it, but when I sit on my hand me down chair I feel like myself.  I feel like I am worth something. Go ahead and right now stand up and find a small space in your house that you can make yours. Throw some pillows, a blanket, a scented candle, and some books, and let this be the place you come to when you need to center yourself.

2. If you are like me you spend a lot of time on Social media and don’t let anyone give you a hard time for that. Social media is the shit and will be the future of all futures so get on that shit and create your dreams. First though you must delete any negativity. This is a place you check in so often so you need to make it something positive. I recently had to delete a few folks, unfollow a few friends, and join some motivational groups.  Trust me it helps. So go through your newsfeed and unfollow any fucker that makes you feel like shit, or doesn’t uplift you. Go ahead and now join a group that will inspire you, that will make you want to be a better person. I recently did this and you have no idea how amazing it feels to log into my social media and see people lifting others up and not bringing them down. TRUST me on this one!

3. As for real life? Do the same shit.  If someone isn’t making you happy or isn’t making you feel like you are GOD then delete them from your life. Family, friends, acquaintances, it doesn’t matter. Bye Felicia. We don’t have time for this shit and we definitely don’t have time for the drama and negativity so bye girl bye. Keep a small circle of friends that love you and ill always lift you up.

4. STOP right now and go to Amazon and get yourself some motivational self-help books. TRUST ME. They save your life, make you a better person, and inspire you to do anything your little heart desires. A few books I love and read over and over again are #girlboss by Sophia Amoruso, Girl Code and The Champagne Diet by the amazing Cara Alwill Leyba, and I am that Girl by Alexis Jones.  These books are little daily reminders that I am amazing and I can achieve anything I put my mind to.

5. EXERCISE and EAT RIGHT. Nothing is worse than treating your body like shit and not fueling it with the right tools to survive. You can’t be successful or happy if you’re stuffing your face with cheese burgers every day. I am not kidding here guys (as I take my hand out of the kettle corn popcorn bag) indulging once in a while is great, but take care of you. It’s not expensive trust me I am a single mom on a budget and I eat right and exercise 3-5 days a week. It is doable, so stop the bullshit excuses.

cb2155f0f78c4a497fa296440aa586eb6. What song currently is your life? Mine would be “Something in the Water” by Carrie Underwood (which BTW I am seeing her in concert this Wednesday and I couldn’t be happier). Music cures all things. It has taken me out of the darkest situations, but has blessed me with the greatest memories. So when you’re sad find a playlist that will make you happy, but when you feel like crying, put on some Adele, grab some tissues, and cry your eyes out. It is okay to feel sad and cry, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

7. Go out on a date with yourself. Buy yourself that dress, those heels, and  go out to a nice restaurant or bar and buy yourself a drink. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are ENOUGH.

8. Last… BE authentically you.  Nothing makes you live in sadness and negativity than hiding your true self.  I want to learn about you. The real you and so does the world. So stop hiding from everyone and stop being afraid of what people will think because if you surround yourself with good people they will love you for YOU!

As you can see these are all super easy things you can do on a daily basis to lift yourself and your life up, but you have to follow them. I can tell you a million and one things, but like anything, you have to be willing to step forward and do them.  I have learned that life is way too short to not live it happy and negative free. It is not easy, but it is worth it.

Share below any tips you might have to live a more positive uplifting life.

Always,
Jasandra

What I have learned this past week.

Its been a week since I got my own apartment and started this new journey in my life and I have to say that day 1 was rough, and a lot of tears were shed.  Some were happy tears and some were very sad tears.  I don’t know about you, but when I am alone my mind just races and I start to think about every single thing possible.  You sit down when you’re alone and you start to reflect on your past and see everything that you thought you worked so hard for, just go right out of the window. I mean at least this was my situation this past week.

This week has given me a lot of time to focus on me and focus on my daughter.  To stay clear of the phone when I am with her, unless its to get some adorable pictures of her because guys… That smile of hers is just pure perfection, but seriously though, its given me this bond with her this past week that was just…perfect.  I feel like before I was so caught up with the stress of life that I wasnt paying as much attention to her as I should and that I regret, but I am grateful I have so much time to make up for it.

One of the many things I learned this week is that Savannah very much felt the stress I was feeling.  When we were back “home” with daddy, she was a different child.  Acting up, hitting at school, not listening, giving us a hard time to go to bed, and just being plain old grumpy.  While I know that is normal with kids, it was not a normal thing for our kid, because she never acted like that. Move forward to this week, we have out little girl back.  It’s like all the stress I had, she had, and the moment I moved out, she was relieved.

Another thing I learned this week was that I am non stop and I do not know when to stop and smell the roses. Listen I know im like that, but this week I didn’t have anyone reminding me but myself and man my ass is go-go go. I don’t know how many times I mopped this floor, how many times I cleaned the bathroom, and how many times I threw the trash away. Maybe I am a voiding something.. Who knows, but I am exhausted from just writing this.  I just like a clean house..right?

Groceries… It’s so much cheaper when it’s just two people and mind you, one of them is a toddler. I sat down planned my meals and the meals I’ll make when little bits is here and my fridge still looks empty, yet it’s filled with pre-made food that I cooked for the entire week! Hello I say that is a win in itself and the bill at Trader Joes for the week was well.. 4o BUCKS. $$$$ in the pocket baby.

What else can I bore you with that I learned this week???

I like to be alone. Is that weird? Like I love living alone with my kid, but when she isn’t here with me and she is with her daddy, I enjoy the peace and quiet. I enjoy reading my book in silence with some tea or coffee, but I also love blasting the music and dancing in my underwear all Tom Cruise style.. Except I don’t have his moves..

tumblr_m948uxai211r2r0koo1_500As I go onto this new week, it excited me with all the changes and all the new things I am going to learn about myself again.  Feeling lost and feeling like you don’t even know yourself is hard as fuck and it truly sucks, but I am very positive that the outcome will be great and I’ll fall in love all over with myself, because let’s be honest for a second…  You need to learn to live with yourself and love yourself first before you can ever find happiness.

Hugs and kisses folks..

Always,
Jasandra

The struggle is real with Muhammad Ali at home!

GettyImages-479933880-E.jpegApparently I have a boxer at home guys! The past week or so we have picked up the nugget from school with complaints of her hitting a child and having as her little friend at school told me “Savannah had a rough rough day.” cutest little kid ever though, but man its embarrassing.

Hello Ms. Jasandra, today Savannah put her hands on someones throat at school—– Good FUCKEN shit what in the hell is going on here!!!!

Now let me start out by saying we DO NOT hit at home.  I have spanked her, but its been a while. I generally steer clear from that although sometimes I have lost my shit and gone psycho on her. Lets be real, we all have been there so keep your judgement to yourself and I blogged about that day a while back.

I dont know if it is the separation between Kevin and I or if she is learning this from someone at school  I know she has been bitten a few times and I dont know if she is just following what she sees.  Its been pretty rough because for the most part she is an awesome kid and although we are being extremely civil at home and nothing has changed, I mean we still eat dinner as a family, we sit down and read books, I mean legit nothing has changed.

I know they say kids are smart and can feel the tension at home even though everything in the outside seems okay, it is just stressful. You know, like if we do not have enough going on, lets just add something else to the table?!!

So the last week or so we have been very strict with her.  YES I know she is only going to be 3, but you do not know my kid,  She is smart and she knows whats up. So I took off her nail polish since I know its one of her favorite things and we sat down and talked. Told her we do not hit, we give hugs and kisses, we listen to our teaches, and we do not follow what other kids do, all while she kept repeating who she hit and why she hit said person.

Sorry in advance if it was your kid that my child put her hands on.

I can say today we had a Popsicle date because she had a great day.  It made me happy. Kids will be kids and little by little I am learning that even if we do great at home and teach her the best we can they will get side tracked and becomes rebels when they want, but as long as we can continue to steer her in the right directions I can honestly say she will not be trying out for the MMA, but possibly a teacher, or even an attorney.  I mean she is great at trying to convince Kevin and I that Haylee our dog was the one that hit Leia our other dog, because there is no way Savannah would of done that.  Shit she might even become an actress in a great drama series because this girl is golden with DRAMA!

no bad kids capital quote.jpgIn all seriousness, she is a toddler. She is going to hit.  She is going to yell.  She is going to become a rebel at times.  Shit I throw fits all the time, but what I need to keep in the back of my mind, is just that…. She is a toddler and has so much emotion she is still learning how to deal with it and I need to learn how to handle it.

Anyways, I am a mom to an almost 3 year old and every single day she takes me on the best roller-coaster ride I have ever been on.  Some days I feel clueless and some days I feel success.

We must be doing something right because although she is in a hitting phase at the moment she is the most caring, loving, extravagant, responsible, honest, passionate, dramatic, polite, animated, open, considerate, smart, and my top favorite is she has the greatest heart I have ever seen.

My mom since the day she was born has said that my kid is special and that she one day will move mountains.

I sure hope so kid!

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Always,
Jasandra